Going Outside.
When we bought a new car, we suddenly saw it at every traffic light and in every car parking space. The same thing happened when we found out I wouldn't be able to have a baby. Suddenly every advert on the TV was about Aptamil follow on milk, every woman had a baby bump and every coffee shop was full of babies. It is beyond difficult and in truth I'm so jealous. I look around and wish for a different future. I mute the TV and change the channel. I put my head down in the supermarket and go down a different aisle. I have to leave coffee shops mid drink. I struggle going outside. I'm struggling. The future is so uncertain and the date for the hysterectomy looms closer. I don't know if we will ever be lucky enough to have a family. I don't know how many more times I can keep crying in public. I don't know how many more times I'll be able to keep going outside without feeling totally consumed by it all. I pu...