Maybe, Someday, Soon?

I wrote a poem to try and verbalise my thoughts following a year since my operation.

I have this sort of feeling,
A rumble in my gut.
I know someday it will happen,
Yet I am always saying but...

But what if they do not like me,
But what if they say not you?
But what if we never have a family,
But what if it is forever just us two?

But what if I never become a mum,
But what if I stay this sad?
But what if I always feel completely numb,
But what if my thoughts remain so bad?

But what if I cannot bare to smile,
But what if I struggle to think straight?
But what if I am riddled with anxiety for a while,
But what if I am always in a body I truly hate?

I have this sort of feeling,
A rumble in my gut.
I know someday it will happen,
Yet I am always saying but...

But what if there is hope, around this dark and twisty bend,
But what if one day, my broken heart will mend?
But what if there is a child, waiting for my hand,
But what if this was how my life, was always to be planned?

But what if I wake up, and the darkness is now less,
But what if there is going to be, a day without all this past stress?
But what if I can smile and laugh, and dream a little instead,
But what if I become, a little happy in my head?

But what if there comes a time, when we are not just two,
But what if I open my eyes, and it’s not just me and you?
But what if there is three or six or maybe even nine,
But what if this is no longer just a dream, and my life has turned out fine?

I have this sort of feeling,
A rumble in my gut.
I know someday it will happen,
Maybe, Someday, Soon?