Physically, Mentally & Emotionally Drained.

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The last three months have been tough.  There have been tears, snotty noses and a whole load of heartache.  I'm honestly not sure I would have coped without the support of everyone.  People who have messaged me that I haven't heard from in years, my family who have let me talk and scream and cry about all the options going forward, the bestest of friends who have done the same and have gone out of their way to do research and send me links and information about things that they have seen.  Honestly, I'm not sure I would have coped with all of this without them.  So thank you guys!!

 This week has been particularly tough.  We went back to Manchester to see the fertility clinic and my gynaecologist to talk everything through and start putting our plans into place.  Bleurgh, it sure is a lot to take in.

 I'm hopefully going to have my hysterectomy next summer, so I have a whole year ahead to plan and research (we know I love to do that!!).  I need to decide whether to go for a total hysterectomy or leave my ovaries and cervix, so if anyone has any experience please hit me up!!  My surgeon is literally the best doctor going and he made me feel so reassured about everything and has his own surgery style which means I could be back on my feet in just 2 weeks!! However, I can't lift anything heavier than a kettle or do any hoovering for 6 - 8 weeks so poor Luke will have to man the fort!  

 It's hard to make peace with having a hysterectomy at my age, it's certainly not been easy.  Closing the door on carrying your own child or even potentially ever having a biological child of your own.  It's been tough on me, Luke and even our families.  It is like mourning for something that never has or ever will exist.  

 The fertility clinic was a tough appointment.  We'd price up surrogacy at about £20,000 but we hadn't thought of the additional medical costs or legals fees and so are now looking at between £35,000 and £40,000 to have a baby, assuming that we are successful first time round.  It was a blow to the system.  We aren't shutting the door on this option but it really does seem out of reach now.  We are going for some tests in a couple of weeks to get the ball rolling and will hopefully get my eggs frozen next Easter.  I think keeping the door open to maybe one day being able to have our own biological children helps with going forward with the hysterectomy.  I dunno, the emotions are just everywhere right now.  I'm physically, mentally and emotionally drained from all of this.

 This is another rambling blog post.  Apologies for that, it helps to just ramble and get it all out of my head I suppose.

Until next time, 
E x

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